Welcome to the world of online dating. It's an exciting concept, that just a few mouse clicks away you could find the perfect partner. Today I want to talk about one of the most important aspects of online dating, your profile pictures.
What is worth 1000 words and 100 dates? Your profile picture.
Raise your hand if you hoped you might be able to do all this without putting up a picture?
Oh no. What about a selfie taken on your phone or an old photo with other people in it?
Bad Profile Creator, Bad!
I'm sorry to say, but you will need photos, and you might even need to spend some time creating them so they are tailored to your online dating message.
Psychological studies into online dating have demonstrated that people are cautious because of the lack of ways to verify the information presented. That's why everyone thinks everyone else is lying online. We like to be able to check a person's eye movements or body posture as they tell us things, so we can judge for ourselves whether we think they are telling the truth. Online, because there are far fewer cues, people read more meaning into the ones that remain.
One of the easiest and most successful ways to make people think you are honest and great is to support your profile text with your photos. If you think of your photos as a visual proof to your written profile, you will go a lot further. However, you need to be careful of what else people are reading into your photos.
Not only do you need them, but you need them to look good. How the photo is taken and a myriad of other little tells will give away more information about you than you know. Thinking of putting up a shot you've clearly taken yourself? This immediately says that you have no friends, because you couldn't find one single other people who could hold the camera for you. Yup, that's how much people will read into your photos.
Don't panic. While bad photos can scream a lot of different things, just for you I've gone through the most common mistakes that are made online, and exactly what these types of photos say about you. Avoid them, and you will be doing well.
1. Having a Picture of Something Else
Looking through a list of potential matches, face after face, and then suddenly, bam. A sunset. Or a dog. Or some other random object. While you may just be shy, or trying to get across the message you love animals, this is not how it is going to be interpreted. Immediately the user is going to think that there is something very wrong with your face, or that you are massively insecure (which leads to clingy, needy, psychopathic, etc.) No matter how insecure you are, always put up a photo of yourself. It's just not fair otherwise.
2. Putting Up A Picture With Multiple People In It
The most common type of photo that we take in everyday life is now us with our friends. Therefore, it might appear obvious that you would then use this on your profile. Let me warn you now - don't. Human nature being what it is, everyone is going to assume that you are the ugliest person in the photo, or that at least one of your friends is better looking and a better match. You want to be the major focus of all your photos. You are already competing with everyone else on the site, so why add competition within your own profile as well?
3. You with Another Girl
Having a member of the opposite sex in your photo is not a great idea. You might think you are sending the message 'look, other hot people think I'm worth hanging out with', but that is not the message received, particularly by girls. When people are looking online, they are usually quite defensive and critical. Any photo of a member of the same sex around the same age (doesn't count if it is a baby or your grandma), is going to be judged very harshly. Consequently, you will be judged for liking such a person. Don't give people a chance to write you off because of their insecurities.
4. Comic Ugly Shot
Making yourself ugly on purpose is a bad idea, even if it is a hilarious photo. Trust me when I say that everyone will assume that your worst photo is the most realistic. You don't want that image of you stuck in their minds when they talk to you, do you? So don't use it.
5. The Decapitated Shot
For the majority of sites it is inappropriate to upload a photo of you without your head. Yes, you may have a fantastic body, but zoom out enough to include your head because otherwise it's like a bad horror movie. It also screams that you objectify bodies, even your own. Not a great start to a lasting relationship.
6. This Is Me... 10 Years Ago
If you had some super amazon achievement a few years ago, such as winning gold at the Olympics, sure put in an old photo. However, if it is just you standing around and you are trying to pass it off as how you generally look? This is bad. The majority of your photos need to be up to date, with the main photo being within the last few months. If you have a great photo from the past, why not try to recreate it, or even improve on it?
7. This Is My Glamor Shot
You need to be careful using professional glamor shots online. While they might make you look fantastic, there are a few subtle messages that they give off you need to be aware of. First, they are notorious for being unrealistic, so it won't add to how attractive people actually perceive you. Second, they can make you come across as egotistical and self-centered, because you paid to have someone make you look good. You want to create natural looking snaps, that just happen to make you look as good as a professional would.
8. The Drunken Shot
So I can see why you might have drunk photos up on Facebook, but unless you are writing your profile while drunk (which I really do not recommend), then why on earth would you put it up as one of your best and defining looks? If you think the best thing about you is that you get drunk and then ugly, you really need to try a new branding tactic, because that isn't going to appeal to many people.
9. Out of Focus Shots
Any photo where you are not the main focus or difficult to discern probably shouldn't be used. While you want to support your other attributes with photos, you also want to make sure each one clearly shows that you are an attractive human being, and all the other photos weren't just flukes. Unless you have more than four other photos clearly showing your face, I wouldn't waste the opportunity.
Choosing the perfect photo for your online dating profile should not be hard, but based on the evidence available it appears to stump a lot of men. Therefore, avoid these mistakes, and you are already ahead of the game!
What is worth 1000 words and 100 dates? Your profile picture.
Raise your hand if you hoped you might be able to do all this without putting up a picture?
Oh no. What about a selfie taken on your phone or an old photo with other people in it?
Bad Profile Creator, Bad!
I'm sorry to say, but you will need photos, and you might even need to spend some time creating them so they are tailored to your online dating message.
Psychological studies into online dating have demonstrated that people are cautious because of the lack of ways to verify the information presented. That's why everyone thinks everyone else is lying online. We like to be able to check a person's eye movements or body posture as they tell us things, so we can judge for ourselves whether we think they are telling the truth. Online, because there are far fewer cues, people read more meaning into the ones that remain.
One of the easiest and most successful ways to make people think you are honest and great is to support your profile text with your photos. If you think of your photos as a visual proof to your written profile, you will go a lot further. However, you need to be careful of what else people are reading into your photos.
Not only do you need them, but you need them to look good. How the photo is taken and a myriad of other little tells will give away more information about you than you know. Thinking of putting up a shot you've clearly taken yourself? This immediately says that you have no friends, because you couldn't find one single other people who could hold the camera for you. Yup, that's how much people will read into your photos.
Don't panic. While bad photos can scream a lot of different things, just for you I've gone through the most common mistakes that are made online, and exactly what these types of photos say about you. Avoid them, and you will be doing well.
1. Having a Picture of Something Else
Looking through a list of potential matches, face after face, and then suddenly, bam. A sunset. Or a dog. Or some other random object. While you may just be shy, or trying to get across the message you love animals, this is not how it is going to be interpreted. Immediately the user is going to think that there is something very wrong with your face, or that you are massively insecure (which leads to clingy, needy, psychopathic, etc.) No matter how insecure you are, always put up a photo of yourself. It's just not fair otherwise.
2. Putting Up A Picture With Multiple People In It
The most common type of photo that we take in everyday life is now us with our friends. Therefore, it might appear obvious that you would then use this on your profile. Let me warn you now - don't. Human nature being what it is, everyone is going to assume that you are the ugliest person in the photo, or that at least one of your friends is better looking and a better match. You want to be the major focus of all your photos. You are already competing with everyone else on the site, so why add competition within your own profile as well?
3. You with Another Girl
Having a member of the opposite sex in your photo is not a great idea. You might think you are sending the message 'look, other hot people think I'm worth hanging out with', but that is not the message received, particularly by girls. When people are looking online, they are usually quite defensive and critical. Any photo of a member of the same sex around the same age (doesn't count if it is a baby or your grandma), is going to be judged very harshly. Consequently, you will be judged for liking such a person. Don't give people a chance to write you off because of their insecurities.
4. Comic Ugly Shot
Making yourself ugly on purpose is a bad idea, even if it is a hilarious photo. Trust me when I say that everyone will assume that your worst photo is the most realistic. You don't want that image of you stuck in their minds when they talk to you, do you? So don't use it.
5. The Decapitated Shot
For the majority of sites it is inappropriate to upload a photo of you without your head. Yes, you may have a fantastic body, but zoom out enough to include your head because otherwise it's like a bad horror movie. It also screams that you objectify bodies, even your own. Not a great start to a lasting relationship.
6. This Is Me... 10 Years Ago
If you had some super amazon achievement a few years ago, such as winning gold at the Olympics, sure put in an old photo. However, if it is just you standing around and you are trying to pass it off as how you generally look? This is bad. The majority of your photos need to be up to date, with the main photo being within the last few months. If you have a great photo from the past, why not try to recreate it, or even improve on it?
7. This Is My Glamor Shot
You need to be careful using professional glamor shots online. While they might make you look fantastic, there are a few subtle messages that they give off you need to be aware of. First, they are notorious for being unrealistic, so it won't add to how attractive people actually perceive you. Second, they can make you come across as egotistical and self-centered, because you paid to have someone make you look good. You want to create natural looking snaps, that just happen to make you look as good as a professional would.
8. The Drunken Shot
So I can see why you might have drunk photos up on Facebook, but unless you are writing your profile while drunk (which I really do not recommend), then why on earth would you put it up as one of your best and defining looks? If you think the best thing about you is that you get drunk and then ugly, you really need to try a new branding tactic, because that isn't going to appeal to many people.
9. Out of Focus Shots
Any photo where you are not the main focus or difficult to discern probably shouldn't be used. While you want to support your other attributes with photos, you also want to make sure each one clearly shows that you are an attractive human being, and all the other photos weren't just flukes. Unless you have more than four other photos clearly showing your face, I wouldn't waste the opportunity.
Choosing the perfect photo for your online dating profile should not be hard, but based on the evidence available it appears to stump a lot of men. Therefore, avoid these mistakes, and you are already ahead of the game!
About the Author:
For more practical advice on creating effective online dating profiles, see Buffy Greentree's new book, The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles, available on Amazon.
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